Enough.

Yep, you guessed it, this is going to be a rant.
It possesses the possibility to piss you off and I possess the right not to give a damn.
Now that we've gotten the formalities out of the way - let's begin shall we?

You want to judge, laugh at, point and whisper about a special needs child or their parents' "Inability to control their kid"? Go right ahead, but if I catch you, chances are you'll walk away feeling three inches tall, or your ass will meet the ground. Get it? Got it? Good. There's a special place reserved in Hell for you. Fuck off.

I used to think that manners were engrained in our DNA - boy oh boy was that a misconception. I cannot tell you how often I have to bite my tongue, when I (or someone that I love) extends courtesies to someone in public, only to be met with a nose in the air or simple, blatant disregard. Seriously? Oh of course your Highness, we have nothing better to do than to be nice to an inconsiderate asshole like yourself, it's OUR pleasure. Go play in traffic.

It's called CUSTOMER SERVICE, how about you do your damn job, correctly, friendly, and with a smile, before I turn your shitty attitude around on you, hmm? In today's economy, I'm sure there is someone out here more than willing to do your job the RIGHT way without insulting or offending those of us using your services. Sit on a spike.

So, you're in your twenties, thirties, or older and you have nothing better to do than talk about other people behind their back (although you lick their ass until it shines when in their presence), tell and/or believe rumors and lies? You are quite the winner. Your mother should be so proud. I hope you trip at a circus right behind an elephant, and he shits right into your open mouth. Maybe then you'll learn to keep it shut unless you're saying something INTELLIGENT. Oh and if we are unsure about that word, it's called a dictionary - go buy one.

Don't call yourself a friend unless you can occasionally check on the well being of this person, and know at least SOME details about them and their life. I understand things happen, and we don't always feel like talking, or we can't because we're busy - but really, when you're going several months without speaking to someone, and THEN you call them when YOU WANT something or want to bitch about your significant other,and how idiotic they are, or how horrible they are to you - yet on FACEBOOK you're all "oh my so and so is the BEST PERSON EVER and my life is great" you are wasting your "friend's" time and you need to stop lying to yourself, otherwise one day this friend is gonna start forwarding texts, emails, or wtfe and you will deserve it. Straighten the hell up.

Pretending to be someone's friend just because of who they are, what they have, or what you think they can get you. Ohhhh what the little opportunist you are (again, dictionary) and trust me, someone, somewhere knows your game and is sick of your shit. As such, they'll make damn sure to put you on blast. How about you try being a decent human being, and stop acting like the world revolves around you? It doesn't revolve around ANY of us... and besides you can get anywhere you want all on your OWN, you don't have to use others to get there. So stop with the fake shit. People can see you're as real as a set of breast implants. Take a dose of grow the hell up.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
That is all.

A Moment of Silence...

Pardon the horrible image, and angle. It didn't capture the true spirit of the topic we are about to discuss.
Something that has come to mean a lot to me, something that has great sentimental attachment, something that I have grown to love dearly.
Those pants in that picture. I had a friend take the pic, and while it doesn't exactly grab the sheer awesomeness that these pants have stood for, it'll have to do.

I bought them August 21, 2009. Yes, I even know when, down to the hour that I purchased them, and they've been tried, true and loyal. They've seen me through good times, comforted me in bad. They used to fit, but alas, (and thankfully) now they hang, but they're so so so cozy! Perfect pants for that one special time of the month when your "Auntie "fuck you" Flo(w)" visits - girls you know what I mean.

Tonight though, I was informed that they needed to be retired.

At first I fought valiantly!
I argued with my friend who was playing the prosecution (and I of course, the defense, in the trial of clothing that just needs to go)

Defense: "I've never had a problem getting hit on by men in these pants"
Prosecution: "What, were they blind and holding a cup for change?"

Defense: "Seriously, men used to love these pants!"
Prosecution: "Oh that's because they wanted to take you home...get you out of them... and buy you something that fit!"

Eventually ... after several attempts at defending my old, tattered, comfy pants... and so much laughter that I almost threw up... I gave in and we came to a compromise.
I'm only allowed to wear them when I have monthly company, and only in the house.

*Sighs*

A moment of silence for all of those comfy clothes we've had to lay to rest - those before my pants, and those that come after. You have served us well and your coverage of our assets were not in vain! We will always love you. Trust that. We will still talk about you years later. *Nods* It's true.

Rest In Peace my dear denim. You've served my ass proud!

The Circle of Life

First, let me start off by apologizing for the hair and lack of makeup. I know it's scary as shit. 
Now that I've gotten that out of the way ... see that pretty fish that I'm smooching? (Psst my lips didn't actually touch it, it just looks that way). That fish was a very happy accident, let me tell ya.    

I bet you're thinking "Oh she's just being modest". Oh no. No, no no no no. I'm being honest and not a damn bit humble in this case. 

See I was fishing for bream (bluegill, perch, etc.) and I hooked a minnow. You think I'm joking, but it's true. It was a bluegill about the size of a bass minnow, so as I'm reeling in this little ambitious shit, and cursing him for all he's worth, rolling my eyes and all that jazz... this big boy that you see above comes swimming along and swallows him! Gobbles him all up! I pop my wrist and voila! I catch him. Pretty, no?

I'll take those happy accidents any day. :)

I Love the Way You Lie

Lately I feel like I've stumbled into an alternate reality. One that is filled with questionable behavior from those I never would have suspected: Lies, betrayal, and downright juvenile, immature cruelty.

Don't get me wrong, I know that nobody is perfect, especially myself. We all make mistakes, and nobody, I don't care who you are, is 100% honest, 100% of the time. (I mean, c'mon, which of us hasn't at least said something along the lines of "Oh grandma, I love my new wool sweater with pink cats and green giraffes" ? You get my point.)  

However, it saddens me to see those around me burning bridges, severing ties, and doing irrevocable damage to those that were closest to them. Is this what the world has come to? In order to get ahead, we throw our "best friends" under one swift moving train after another?

All of the Holidays spent together, people that we have attended weddings for or with, those that have seen us at our lowest but rarely if ever judged us and always supported us. Those that we have most likely gotten fall down drunk with, broken bread with, that know our deepest, darkest secrets. Most importantly, people that we entrusted to know our soul, to see us for who we really are, and those that gave us that same valuable respect in return.

THESE are the people we choose to use to get ahead in this deity forsaken world?  

I understand the opportunistic behavior. 
I understand looking out for number one.

I don't understand being such a spiteful, inconsiderate person that you would use your "friends" as stepping stones, and scrape dog shit that you've trudged through along your way to the "TOP" on their faces.

Yeah, maybe you'll get to where you think you want to be.
Perhaps you'll even achieve to be the epitome of success - fame, fortune, and all of your shiny new toys.
But then who will you have to share it with?
Once you have used your last genuine friend to get where you wanted, I challenge you to pick up your phone and just try to find one of your new lemmings to share heartfelt sentiments with. I challenge you to find ONE, just ONE that won't use you, the way you have others. One that won't take the fact that they know you as a stepping stone, one that won't make every detail about their friendship with you public to get ahead. One that cares genuinely about you, not your status, or your lifestyle. One that will be bluntly honest and not always blow smoke up your ass. One that you can tell ANYTHING to and not fear judgment or being sold out.  Yeah, good luck.
At some point you had those friends and you chose to throw them into the garbage, replacing them with people who idol worship you.
No one should be bowed down to as if they are something out of a religious document of some sort. No person should ever be deified. It does an immense amount of damage to their psyche, and turns them into something that no longer resembles a human being.

I am not casting stones, mind you. I've made mistakes with my own friends, I've fucked up. Yet I have almost always done my absolute best to rectify those situations, and try to make them as right as I can. Some relationships I've had to let go, because they were poisonous for both sides, and that's a part of life.

Fortunately,  I've never ended genuine friendships, with true people, over opportunistic, idiotic behavior. 

That being said ... we should all take a good long look in the mirror, and assess ourselves to see if we honestly like what we see deeper than the surface. If you have read this, and know you've fucked up, realize that nothing is permanent, and nothing is ever really over, so start making amends. It won't be easy, it won't happen overnight, but true friends are more than worth the effort and time you put into them.